Seraphim

everything was beautiful and nothing hurt...

 

Last night I let it all go
and the morning greeted me like an old friend
slowly peeking, sneaking, through the shades
whispering hello
fillling up the empty darkness that, before, I could not let go
But the morning said today it would be okay
as it ran across my bedroom walls
and finally, cautiously,
tenderly,
creeping on my bed
touching my face
whispering hello
welcome back
we've missed that smile
the music in your eyes
the hope in your voice
we're glad you made the choice

I sat up and leaned against the wall
gazed at my room
so warmly lit
and it all seemed to fit
strangely, it all seemed to fit
like an old memory
like a brand new gift
Im back
I feel like me
So wonderful to be back
So amazing to be free

posted by: Seraphim at 10:59 | link | comments (1) |

I scan the room
my eyes settle on you
I watch as you sit
smoking a cigarette
and holding a drink in the other
blasting music from another room
eyes are far in the distance
trying to drown it all away

posted by: Seraphim at 19:00 | link | comments |

Oh, I Hurt
Deep inside
My soul trembles in this pain

Oh, this Pain
It's unbearable
and it's unforgiving

Oh no, Unforgiving
You spread darkness
and take the light from my joy

Oh, my Joy
You are my strength
and this fight is exhausting
Do not give up

Oh, look Up
and see your salvation
Bright and shining
The Son destroys this darkness
and brings me back to life

posted by: Seraphim at 18:55 | link | comments |

He's gone now and I'm sad.

There is this empty space in my heart and the void is painful to my soul.
Its just weird knowing that he is so far away.
                                  Knowing that I can't just drive to see him.
                                                  Knowing that I will probably never see him again.
                                                                                    It hurts, knowing.

Saying goodbye was one of the saddest things I've ever done.
        I thought it wouldn't hurt as much as saying goodbye the first time,
       especially since I've been preparing for him to leave ever since he returned.
Saying goodbye to him a second time,
                     knowing it may be the last time I see his face,
                                                      the last time I get to hold him in my arms...
                                                             It hurt.
                                                                         I hurt.
                                                                                    I still hurt.
I wish I couldn't feel.
I feel too much.
That's why I love to sleep.
You never feel when you're asleep.
Dreaming is the best escape.

And I'm so tired of crying.
These tears have stained my cheeks and my heart.
These tears have damaged my pillow with their sorrow filled lullaby.
These lonely tears I cry to my self,
                                             somehow calming as I drift to sleep.
I know tomorrow will come and I'll pretend that everything is better.
             But today is just as empty as yesterday
                                Tomorrow will be, too.
I feel so empty, going through the motions, just trying to live life
             But not really living at all.

My heart has been damaged by love.
       I feel so empty,
           Just an empty shell of a heart beating to a broken heart's song.
                    Living, breathing, trying to keep time with my broken heart beat.

My heart has been damaged by love
I will soon become hard.
My once passionate beating heart will grow into an ice
                                                                                           cold
                                                                                                      thud.
I have become hardened by love.

I am untrusting of love.

I am all alone because of love.

If this is love...
                           If this is love...
                                                     I don't ever want to love again.

 

posted by: Seraphim at 13:37 | link | comments (3) |

A forever goodbye

Is the hardest to make

Knowing this may be

The last time I see your face

posted by: Seraphim at 22:41 | link | comments (3) |

They run to me
like i'm some sort of miracle maker
as if i have all the answers
since i always seem to
they run to me

Help!Help!

I've crumbled apart once again!

There are pieces of me everywhere

Won't you gather them with me?

Here they are, the broken pieces of my life

Put me back together

You have glue

Quickly now! Tell me what I should do!

Please tell me,

before I am forced to  make a decision all on my own

...we all know  I wont make the right choice...

Please! I'm  begging you!

What should I do? What would you do?

Help!Help!

I'm so desperate for an answer

I will fall and crumble again,

I know.

But...

you are my friend...

but if you cant hold yourself together
why should i hold you now?
you're never there for me when i stumble and fall to the ground
and im so battered and bruised
this friendship is a bit one-sided
it seems
and i have decided
i can no longer carry this crown
i am done, we are finished.
so, good luck to you.

Get your own goddamn glue

posted by: Seraphim at 22:30 | link | comments |

oh, my sweet little boy
you put a light in mommy's eyes

oh, my sweet little boy
you put a smile on daddy's face

oh, my sweet little boy
your laughter is filled with flight

oh, my sweet little boy
you have given us happy days

sweet little boy
you are our proof of grace

posted by: Seraphim at 13:23 | link | comments |

Dark blackness, sudden flashes of light

Shapes turn into blobs

Twisted, distorted

They soon surround me

Try to consume me in their vast void

I am spinning

Reaching out for something stable

Something to ground me

Something to stop the chaos

But I find I am only grasping at myself

Holding tight

Entirely sure that I am the one

The only one

Who can make it all end

Or

Keep this sick cycle

Spinning…

 Spinning…

 Spinning…

I am tired

Exhausted

Sick

I don’t know how much longer I can last

Giving this much effort

Just so I can refuse the hand offered to me

Always offered to me

Always…

 

I have to look up…

 

All I have to do is look up…

 

Look up…

 

Look up…

 

Up, up, up

posted by: Seraphim at 08:43 | link | comments |